A Cynic's View of Playa de Losers
by Mrdaimion
Summary: In this one-shot, we learn what a standard day at Playa de Losers was like for Noah, in his point of view. Hilarity guaranteed.


**A/N: Yeah... I mainly just wrote this fic cause I wanted a chance to use Noah's sarcasm, and a lot of it too. xD I enjoyed writing it, though, and hopefully you'll enjoy reading it. =P**

I stole a quick glance at my surroundings, taking everything in. It was pretty boring, though- at least, as boring as it can get with a place filled with freaks like this. Ezekiel was wearing his, quote on quote, "bling", while trying to flirt with Bridgette- I have no idea why, though, he could do much better (for example, the chair he was sitting on). His attempts only led to failure, though, as he tended to keep ignoring the fact that her boyfriend was in the room (apparently, his parents were really bad teachers).

Katie and Sadie happened to be quiet for once (good thing too, I don't have my Human-Annoying Squealing Dictionary on hand), and Lindsay was strolling around Playa de Losers looking for her boyfriend, who, surely enough, was right behind her, trying to tell her that he was Tyler. (She's a real keeper, huh?)

Beth was fawning over shirtless Justin (who, from this point forth, will be called "Anti-Me"), and Anti-Me seemed to be enjoying it. Courtney was prowling the area for Harold, who was, at the moment, hiding behind Leshawna (great hiding spot, by the way, Courtney would _never_ think of looking for Harold next to his, quote on quote, "girlfriend").

Eva was, like always, lifting weights (if boulders count as weights nowadays). Izzy, or "E-Scope" as she as recent made us start calling her, was riding on Eva's shoulders, cheering her on.

"You can do it!" Izzy told Eva, and she rolled her eyes.

"I know I can, now get off of me." Eva growled. Despite this rather bitter conversation, though, the two became surprisingly good friends. I also learned that hanging out with them is surprisingly less terrible then hanging out with most of the people here. Yeah, I'm surprised too.

DJ was petting his bunny, sitting at the bar, and I wondered for a second how long it would take for him to find out that his real pet died a while ago on the show. I shrugged this off, and focused my eyes on the next contestant, who happened to be Cody, trying (and failing) to flirt with Lindsay (who accepted this purely because, at the moment, she mistook him for Tyler). And then there was Trent, who was strumming his guitar alone in the corner. I couldn't hear the song he was singing, but I'm willing to bet it was some sob story about how he misses Gwen.

And finally there was Duncan, who at the moment slid into the chair next to me, the reasons for it beyond me. He held out a pack of cigarette, and handed the pack out in front of me.

"Want one?" He asked.

"No thanks, I'm allergic to tobacco." I rolled my eyes. "It gives me lung cancer." Surprisingly, he laughed and pulled the pack back. Before he got the chance to reply, I continued. "Now, why are you with me and not your currently insane girlfriend?"

"Dude, look at her," Duncan jabbed a finger at the aforementioned girlfriend. "She's _nuts___right now, trying to get revenge on Harold. Can't say I blame her, but still, she's taking things a _bit_ too far." He shrugged.

"You _just_ noticed?" I asked the punk, in disbelief. "You didn't notice earlier that your girlfriend was frickin' insane?"

Duncan laughed again, although it was a little more forced now. "Heh, no, I knew it before this. I'd appreciate you not talking about my girlfriend like that anyways, though..."

"Oh, sorry," I rolled my eyes again, fully aware that I was probably digging my own grave. "I'll try not to talk bad about your psychotic, annoying, bitch of a girlfrie-" Before I could finish, Duncan grabbed me by the neck before I could see his arm move, and he glared daggers at me.

"Listen here you little nerd," He scowled. "Don't you _ever_ talk about Courtney like that. Got it?" He tightened his grip on my neck a little more. I slowly nodded my head, and he released me, before stomping off. Yet another person pissed at me. You know, that should make a club called: "The People Who Hate Noah." I'm pretty sure half of the Earth's population would join- the dumb asses on Earth always tend to dislike me.

Katie and Sadie, the duo from Hell themselves, both ran up to me. "Like, ohmigosh, are you okay?" They both asked in unison, grabbing onto my shoulders.

I scowled and shacked them off. "I don't need your help. Thanks, but no thanks. Why do you care anyways?"

"Oh, well, like, Katie has a crush on you, an-" Sadie quickly covered her mouth, blushing. "... Oopsies. Sorry, Katie." Katie blushed a deep scarlet red, and she quickly left the scene, Sadie following behind her. I raised an eyebrow at this scene, then quickly brushed it off- Katie's most defiantly not my type anyways. I'd choose that chair that Ezekiel should like instead of Bridgette, even. I then went over to where Courtney was, deciding to do a good deed (I don't know why either).

"Hey, Courtney!" I yelled over to her, and she turned over to me, her eyes filled with fury.

"_What?_" She asked, exasperated.

"I saw Harold over there by the mini-bar, just thought you should know." Before I could even finish, Courtney was already heading over to the mini-bar. Harold quickly went out from behind Leshawna, his eyes filled with relief.

"Thank you, Noah." He bowed. "As a thank you gift, I'll allow you to see my trading card collection- filled with the rarest of the rare cards in the world." I blinked. "I know it's a huge honor, but I think you're ready for i-"

"Screw this." I turned over to Courtney. "Hey, Harold's over here!" Harold's face paled, and he ran off, as Courtney followed close behind him.

"I'll get you, you no good lying ass!" She yelled, and Leshawna walked up to me, shaking her head.

"Man, that was not cool. Why'd you do that?" She asked.

"Would _you___like to see his trading card connection?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. She thought about this, then nodded in understanding.

Before I got the chance to go back to reading, Izzy walked over to me (or, as it's more accurately described, leaped onto my shoulders), and grinned.

"Noah! Quick, follow me!" She ran off into a different part of Playa de Losers, and inside of my head, fear and curiosity duked it out. Eventually, curiosity won, and I went over to where she seemed to be going.

When I arrived, I was met with the sight of both Izzy and Eva hanging out in an otherwise empty place.

"What do you want?" I asked the two, raising an eyebrow.

"Oh, we're going to have an orgy!" Izzy enthusiastically answered. After seeing the look of horror on my face (which was probably similar to how most kids look when they first see 2 Girls 1 Cup), she laughed. "No, just kidding!" My heart-pace slowed down considerably.

"Don't _ever_ joke about that again." I scowled.

"Oh, you know you wish you could have me." Izzy winked. "Anyways, we're here to help everyone agree with us that Owen should win!"

I rolled my eyes, deciding to keep the fact that I thought Heather should win (she may have gotten me eliminated, but she was the only one with brains) to myself. "And how should we do that?"

"You're supposed to come up with that part!" Izzy said gleefully.

I rolled my eyes once more. "How about you streak every resident of Playa de Losers, as they'll love your nakedness so much that it'll make them vote for Owen." The sarcasm oozed from my voice.

Izzy paused. "Hm... Great idea!" She ran off to where everyone else was, already taking off her clothes. My eye twitched, and I turned over to Eva.

"Why is she my friend again?" I asked. Eva shrugged, as clueless as I was. I sighed, and started walking back over to Playa de Losers.

Izzy was already naked before I could stop her, everyone (except for Cody) looking away from her in a mixture of horror and disgust. I averted my eyes, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Izzy, I was kidding, put some clothes on..." I informed her.

"No, it's really working!" She told me. "We have Cody's vote for sure!" She waved flirtatiously as Cody, who's nose started to bleed a little.

"No, Cody's voting for Gwen, he has an obsession with her..." I waited a second for Izzy to absorb this. "Now, put on some clothes, before you lose votes because of this..." Izzy finally reached down and grabbed her clothes, and began to put them on.

"You know, you're right Noah: You're a true friend. I'll have to remind Owen to give you a great big hug when he wins!" Izzy grinned at him, and my expression became one of horror again. Oh, life, why do you hate me so?

Well, whoever may be reading this, that was pretty much the basic day in the life at Playa de Losers. Now, stop stalking what I do and go do something more productive and fun, like watching paint dry, alright?

**A/N: Remember to leave a review on the talk, guys, I'd appreciate it. ;D**


End file.
